An Open Letter to Rocklahoma

by Wayne Graham

Dear Rocklahoma--

I'm not sure how to say this, so I'll just say it.....what HAPPENED?? I mean...this? THIS is the line-up? Ya see, you're a new festival so maybe you don't know how it's done, but the idea is to improve upon the previous year's line up. I didn't go last year, but I sorta wish I had. Twisted Sister, Y&T, Dokken, a quarter of a Motley Crue (the crappiest quarter, but still...), fucking QUEENSRYCHE! Yeah, there were some FireHouses and BulletBoys and that motherfucker Kip Winger (don't ask, suffice it to say he's a Grade A Choad), and honestly, this stuff is ALL pretty goofy, but there was some fun stuff there! And it was a big success! Hell--Rolling Stone did a profile on the dude from Bang Tango....and Rolling Stone didn't do a profile on Bang Tango when they were big! Hell, they were NEVER big! That was your power, Rockla!

For 2008, there were rumors of Scorpions, Def Leppard, and Judas Priest...lofty rumors perhaps, but the sky was the limit, right? Isn't that what 80's metal was all about---hope? And then Dee Snider said that this year was going to be a little more "metallic" and--I swear he said this--"Maiden-esque". What???

So of course we get excited. We don't have Wacken or Download here. We're up the eye teeth in festivals, but none for two horns in the air RAWK! Hell, if they can get Maiden, why not Van Halen? Why NOT Scorpions or Leppard or Priest? Or Whitesnake? Or Aerosmith? Or, Jesus, WHY NOT Metallica and Guns N' Roses?!?! Yeah, Krokus and Vixen were getting thrown around, but I'd sit through "Livin' on the Edge of a Broken Heart" to hear "It's So Easy"!

But we start hearing chatter of Bret Michaels, and Warrant (but WITH Jani Lane, as if any of us knew he was gone in the first place), and Tora Tora, and we get worried. And then the Motley Crue rumours start swirling around, and we think you might bounce back....

....but instead we get Pretty Boy Floyd, and Trixter, and Extreme, and Kix, and--groan--Kingdom Come. I mean, fer Chrissakes, you couldn't even raise up Sebastian Bach? Were you too busy NOT getting Autograph to pursue him? Rocklahoma, baby, I can make a phone call and have Autograph at my apartment in 45 minutes, you can't get them for a 4-day hair band festival??

So, anyway. Sorry for coming off harsh. It's not all bad. I like Cinderella and Tesla. Armored Saint could be cool and Night Ranger---that's not a bad get, at all. Plus, I saw some TBAs on that lineup. Maybe you're waiting to spring some good stuff on us. I hope I'm wrong. But this shit is bush league.

Best,
Wayne